| life |
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| 08:13pm 09/10/2006 |
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...tk maxx bargains...dinner box dinners...want to buy shoes,coat,bags,boots,bedding,wine etc etc etc |
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| he says im too secretive... |
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| 08:10pm 01/02/2006 |
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i get so very confused. i feel like i am not fully alive right now. maybe its the cold weather. can't seem to get my head together though. all i seem to want to do is sleep. and eat. i just want to feel like im not wasting my time... |
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| i'm only happy when it rains... |
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| 10:01pm 23/01/2006 |
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i just toasted a muffin and when i ate it it tasted of sausages and my hand smells of sausages now and i feel sick. damn meateaters. i really want to be somewhere beautiful all by myself, or with someone i can happily have comfortable silences with. by the sea would be nice. and i want to wear a cagoul. and i dont even want to attempt to be cool. i think i want to be my dad. as time passes i am becoming more like him. he is happy just being by himself, just reading or walking. he is a very calm man. on the agenda is reading books, walking in the country and drinking hot things from thermos flasks. and i have decided i want a beagle. and i want to restore antiques in my beautiful little flat and i want to be silent and serious and on my lunch break i will walk my beagle. i want to learn things and be the person i always talk about being. i want to escape from here. i miss little alice. and how quiet she can be. i want to go see piglets with her. i wish i could get myself together and go do something worthwile. i dont want to die with only knowledge of big brother and memories of a stuffy office filled with losers to my name. what i need is a thunderstorm. sigh. whatever...x |
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| teehee |
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| 12:47pm 13/05/2005 |
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the man sitting next to me has the funniest hiccups ever. kind of like a puppy sneezing.
ooop that was a loud one just then!
just been to book a new tattoo with diego. pretty excited. its just a small one, its behind my ear and it should balance things out a bit cos the one behind the other ear is bigger than the little tiny heart i am getting covered up.
bit of a rubbish day yesterday. there were tears, some of them for no reason at all- i hate being a girl.
planning to go out tonight. must remember NOT to get wrecked and NOT to spend more than £10 but possibly to meet a tall dark handsome stranger who will treat me good and make me happy *sigh*
househunting tomorrow...i love having a good nosy around other peoples homes ;) |
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| im gross... |
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| 05:03pm 12/05/2005 |
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mood:  angry
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haha i think i am the most unprofessional person ever! i think i will never get a 'proper' job...
today at work, where the dress code is 'corporate wear' i am wearing a cardigan with 2 MASSIVE holes in it and also a dinner stain from last night, i have trousers a size tooo big that keep falling down to reveal my gross leopard print pants that seem to have been miscoloured a little in the wash, literally all of my tattoos are on show (including my chest) even though there is a strict no visible tatoo policy and i have converse on with a hole in each toe. looking at myself with my unbrushed hair i feel a little ashamed...hehe what would my mother say...?
oh well at least its casual wear tomorrow...
have been in the Worst Mood Ever today. i seriously wanted to get violent at several points today. i am truly a crazy woman. awful wendy wasnt too bad today i suppose but there is a horiffic woman (we shall call her Horrific Trish, no actually make that Horiffic Patricia cos she hates that name) that sometime i want to kill. i have taken to glaring at her as often as possible. i bet she disapproves of me. she looks the type that disapproves of everyone.she has the haircut of a small boy and i think she likes to think of herself as 'trendy' and 'funky'. foul.
really do think i am going a little crazy today. its one of those days that i wish i could just switch off certain emotions.
an awful posh cunt of a girl that i had to train yesterday tried to make me have lunch with her today. she is worse than HP i think. most patronising person EVER
god i think i had better go home for a little sleeep now....
sigh |
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| soap opera... |
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| 05:12pm 11/05/2005 |
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bloody hell what a crazy crazy day yesterday! since when is my life a soap opera? good god. and now here i am left wondering what the hell is going on...
bit gutted cos thought was going to little tokyo but it seems to be off. rubbish :( maybe i will get some takeout and eat it in my bed. i am mega mega tired right now and full of cold
blah |
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| hmmm... |
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| 05:02pm 10/05/2005 |
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mood:  apathetic
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i somtimes wonder if all the staff at holland and barratt are on drugs. they are all so wierd. i was thinking of applying for a job but they are putting me off....
also the hot boy in my office seems to get prettier everyday....swoon |
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| come look after me... |
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| 08:56am 10/05/2005 |
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mood: blah
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...so yesterday made me remember how much i want a close friend with a car. oooh or maye a boyfriend with a car. i proper hate carrying shopping!!haha
i used to love living with natalie, every monday was supermarket day, then we would all come back and cook dinner. like a little family. i miss natalie maybe i will call her this week...? i also loved nadine's little car....she was the best. on the way to newquay she was so hot and bothered that we wanted to buy her an icecream when we stopped and had them...oh :) memories
no seriously, i need a friend with a car.
cant learn myself i would be a terrible danger on the roads!
x |
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| im suffering... |
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| 12:22pm 09/05/2005 |
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mood:  hopeful
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so im all snuffly, keep on sneezing, wake up with a sore throat everyday, have v dry poorly lips and the biggest dark circles under my eyes to date. hmmph. my eyes are so tired that i can barely see my computer screen and looking at it all day is making me feel dizzy and sick. ugh. i should really sort out some new glasses but the pennies arent really stretching too far right now...iv seen some i like but i think they might be a little pricey and going with my track record with spectacles...hmmm
so the weekend....it was a fairly good one really.friday i had some much needed sleep (boor-ing i know but i am just exhausted all the time) and then sat i met sophie n mark in town and mooched for a little bit, got naughty cake (om) and then went home to get ready for the par-tay.the only effort i could be bothered to make was the addition of a blingbling gold belt and then we headed out. me and soph got harrassed by 2 strange 17year old boys on the way..."cassandra...i love you...ul give me a kiss wont you...?" i think they thought sophie was called cassandra and kept trying to kiss her."cassandra do u like music? my favourite bands are blink 182, green day...razorlight..." hehe one of them had all his birthday cards with him. party was ok but i wasnt really in the right mood i think so left before the end to go to rock of ages (alas it was too late) so got potato bhajis (sp?) instead. mmmm my new favourite thing. somehow convinced S & M to sleep at mine, ended up sleeping on the floor due to lack of room in my bed (on the floor in my own house, pah!!?) and then all my 'family' came over to eat shitloads and generally just 'chillax'. god i hate that word more than anything!!!!!awesome day, so much laughter
quote of the weekend "i hate his hair he looks like a tudor!" |
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| when did things get so hard...? |
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| 12:20pm 06/05/2005 |
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feeling a bit sad today.when things go wrong with friends and crushes i tend to get a little crazy and freak out.this sucks cos then things get ten times worse and then i get crazier and so they get worse again and then i get crazier....you get the picture...
what are you supposed to do when you really honestly dont know what to do ? i guess my answer should just be trust fate?whatever will be, will be...but that doesnt help the frustration of knowing that everything i do will be the wrong thing.sigh.i feel like i just cant win.i dont even get why things need to be this way? they could just be so easy.
i wish i was at the seaside, staring into the sea for hours on end, somebody take me please...? |
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| london: monday |
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| 12:11pm 06/05/2005 |
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mood:  rejected
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...so we awoke from under the strangest duvet ever ("get this wedding dress off me, it feels like a tracksuit..!") glad that i was still in london despite the day befores tears and wishes to go home. was a beautiful day so headed into town for a mooch around camden.me and sophie discovered an interesing fact....all boys like boho chic girls! hmmm interesting but unfortunately for me part of the allure is apparently the 'long clean hair'. oh thats me out of the picture then :( hehe. so we spent a while chasing some boho girl around the supermarket ("quick she's two aisles down...!")and bought yummy snacks for the megabus home...
...megabus time finally came, on we got and sadly departed from london, bumping into the lovely duncansendmoreparamedics en route.journey felt suprisingly quick aided fun and games and before we knew it back in leeds...
and that was london.
i think i fell a little bit in love last weekend, heres hoping it wasnt just a holiday romance ;)
x |
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| LONDON: sunday... |
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| 12:50pm 05/05/2005 |
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mood: angry
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...so i awoke in a strange land...a room full of super tired people, some scattered across the floor. couldnt get back to sleep as house is super hot so decided to read for a while much to the annoyance of everyone else...i wasnt THAT loud, ok?
mark somehow in the night morphed into a girl...worryinging...he also turned corrugated (from lying on the carpet/being dehydrated) which was more worrying. this seemed to make him a little cross...
so we (me soph mark james and a boy i do not know)decided to head into london to be tourists for a bit before the concert.the plan was tate modern but i think we all knew we were far to lazy and this would never happen!so we traipsed around a little while, stopping by italy for a little sightseeing.
we finally made it to the venue and met up with some lovley firends. also some mean ones such as the brothers olejnkijkjkkkk whoreally do need to get punished more often.i turned temporarily into cherie blair and EVERYONE thought it was fun to wreck my new shoes (NB even the dog at the party liked this game)the show seemed to go on forever and as it wasnt really my cup of tea ("why are they going..?")it seemed all the longer. Glad that paula was there we had a lovley chat.decided i hate boys and will be a spinster forever...
So then we went to a party that took literally hours to find. walking around london in the early hours of the morning....mmm my favourite.passed briefly through brazil, football players and all and eventually arrived at the house.wasnt really in the party mood, had a few tears in the treehouse and yearned for a bed. how antisocial
home then bed and that was sunday... |
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| london:SATURDAY |
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| 05:09pm 04/05/2005 |
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saturday:met sophie and mark for megabus.was NOT looking forward to it much i can say.but bloody hell it was fun fun fun.unfortunately we seemed to be sitting on the engine the whole way down so were a little bit cooked.ate many many oats, decided that FHM knows nothing about women!pah.rubbish top 10 is all i can say.got rather excited bout mark falling asleep in a funny position,and felt rather guilty about getting so much oats and handcream in his bag :S realised i was falling a little bit in love with both emmie dowd and harry hovell.trip was made a little rubbish by a wierd woman next to us who wouldnt stop staring...sophie (v loudly)..."i wish that woman would stop staring ...!" hehe.i laughed at her for the fact that every 5 minutes she dropped something....then i promptly lost the whole contents of my bag to the floor...that was baby jesus that was!finally got to london and the fear of getting fleeced/pickpocketed surfaced.decied to go and get a drink whist we rang lovely charly cos we were a bit early so headed to a cashpoint to get some dollar and promptly bumped into the girl herself.this cememnted the thought that me and dowd are witches, and discussed with hovy the possibility that he was a maybe a wizard/warlock?it was decided that yes he was.headed over to 61 bousfield and chilled for a little while, the boy mark fell aslepp in another strange position.this only made my love grow stronger.after a minor shoe problem got ready to disco dance and headed out...
somehow on the way into town i think we took a wrong turn and ended up in jamaica...strange...and in jamaica we promptly bumped into some leeds natives and headed to the club with them
unfortunatley was a little wiped out for the club and didnt disco much...unfamiliar territory and all that.nothing much to note happened.saw some lovely aquaintances Missy etc met a lovely boy who accidently got hooked onto my jeans (sophie knows him its ok) and he kept trying to make us do shots he was lovely.sophie pointed out to me some very kissable lips and i told mark some secrets...that he kept throwing back in my face the rest of the weekend...bah ;) worst bus trip EVER back to Charles's think i nearly died of tired.made mark and james beds on the floor out of carpets and towels...the best and then slept in a bed of beautiful girls...zzzzz
still to come:corrugated mark and his 'girl bits'
going to italy
going to brazil
antics in the pond
sleeping under wedding dress
nb hope this doesnt sound boring, im not doing the weekend justice it was mega |
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| london... |
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| 12:30pm 03/05/2005 |
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mood:  exhausted
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...so this fine bank holiday weekend i took a little vacation to the big L with sophie and mark. somehow we managed to also fit in going to jamaica, brazil and italy, and considered cyprus but there simply wasnt the time "pummella anderson?...id pummell her!"
god i think we went a little crazy...too much time together haha
this was a weekend full of laughter, tears (haha that was just me) and wakling all over london at bizarre hours in the morning...
right gonna go get some food now im ravenous but il be back and tell you all about my little adventures... :)
x |
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| you don't suit cute... |
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| 01:16pm 29/04/2005 |
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mood:  cynical
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am in the most horrible mood at the moment, it sucks. i feel nervous and on edge and a little bit like a teenager again. i blame the hormones...
im off my food and dont want to see people much, i hate being like this. will no doubt snap out of it as soon as i get to spend some time relaxing in the sunshine (fingers crossed) this extended weekend. Kinda looking forward to london (seeing charly :) and sophie :) etc) but i am more than a little fearful that something will go wrong and my moods will show me up...hmmm. am forecasting tears...
gonna be ace seeing sophie 2morrow cos i havent seen her for too loong due to illness and even though she is back in leeds already we decided not to see each other until when we meet for the megabus just to make it a bit more exciting.Gonna b nice to travel with her and mark, 2 of my faves.
excited about getting my jeans finished off 2nite...fanx al, as soon as they are done its hip hip hooray rouching all the way!
impending fun : disposable cameras and dares and discos
impending doom : ready steady heartbreak...
going to go force a flapjack down now :(
x |
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| $$$ |
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| 01:12pm 26/04/2005 |
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mood:  drained
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rubbish rubbish rubbish i hate working.i really want to run away for a bit but i dont get how i will be able to afford it.i am barely scraping by as it is and i owe my parents so much dollar.grumble.maybe now that i am not drinking for a bit/not really going out the pennies will stick around a little longer...?oh i wish i had somewhere along the line learned how to handle money i suck
on the plus side this week i got my mums old sewing machine ('its a good one...') and so al is going to fix my jeans hooray.i am paying her in bangers and mash and horse fabric patches :)
hmmm im sure there is something far more contructive i should be doing with my lunchbreak...?
realised last night that i only really enjoy drawing when im not supposed to be doing it.i love doing it when i am meant to be working or sleeping, i get so into it.but when i set time aside it it nah nothing will come out :( god knows how im ever gonna make a career out of it...
best go get some food...
wishing : i didnt have a heart
hoping : he has changed
realising : he wont change :(
x |
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| lonely lonely lonely... |
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| 10:02pm 23/04/2005 |
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...so im staying at the parentals tonight. everyone seems to have deserted on msn and mother and father have departed to bed. so its just little old me all alone...
coastliner to york...today i remembered how much i love it when bus drivers from the same company drive past each other and wave. sometimes my cheeky little daddy waves to them too. he is odd.
my mum told me not to wee on the new sofabed they have bought so that i can come stay. i have NEVER wet the bed. NEVER. i am offended.
Saturday night and i am looking forward to sleep. what has become of my social life.
ho hum london next weekend best save myself. now if only i could find a way to make time go quicker. 8 days and counting!!!!
<3
looking forward to : sleeping on the brand new sofa bed
regretting that : i ate so much
wondering if : london really is a good idea
sweet dreams
x |
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| well here goes... |
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| 05:13pm 22/04/2005 |
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hmmm. think i am very afriad of writing on my journal. a. because it will more than likely be v boring. b. because i will most likely offend someone. c. because im sure there should really be something i should be doing on my lunchbreaks that is worthwhile to my life...hmmmm
oh well.
Since starting my job at Halifax ive never been more grateful for weekends. thinking about it this it the first job i have ever had that gives me the whole weekend off which is one plus point shining out from the huge list of negatives about this job...but am staying in this weekend so save my valuable pennies/not get wrecked and embarrass myself
gosh i have so much to say now that i have started i can feel it all about to come flooding out...its just a shame that i have to go home and make pie :)
looking forward to : seaside on sunday
wishing that : the next 9 days would go quicker
hoping that : i can remember how to make pie
over and out x |
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crossbonebaby's journal
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